So it finally hit me.

I really do need to stop smoking.

I tried to make myself a promise to quit if a girl wanted me to.

A special girl.

Now, I am with the most amazing girl in the world,

And I still haven’t.

What’s a promise you can’t keep?

I told myself six months and I would stop smoking for good if I’m still with her,

Because at that point, anything would be possible.

But the time has come so much earlier for me to realize it all.

I need to do this for her.

I guess myself too, but most of all for her.

Because I can tell she cares,

When she tells me it’s basically because she cares about my health,

And that I need to do it for myself.

I need to quit.

Not, “I want to stop”

But now, “I need to stop”

I’m going to do this.

It’s going to kill me the first few weeks.

But summer is here.

And I shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

But then again,

What do I have to worry about?

I’m with the most amazing girl on the planet,

And she makes me happier than anything.

I want to be able to give her the world.

So the least I could do,

Is start proving it,

And showing her I can quit.

And it’s all for her. These unexplainable feelings…

I need a way to prove myself,

To not only her though.

But to prove I can do it for me.

I really stopped caring about myself for too long,

And just figured that anything that happened to me,

Was all just “whatever”

But it’s tome to start caring about myself again.

I’m finally happy.

All I want to do,

Is just prove that I can do it.

I’d do anything for her.

This just needs to be one of those things.

The beginning of that new start I’d been looking for.

I’ve found my happiness,

Now I just need to start taking better care of myself.

For my health, so I can live longer,

And be with the ones I love for more time.

This is the beginning.

I’m taking charge of this addiction.

As hard as I know it will be,

I can do this.

I am still awake. 

All I’ve been doing is playing video games with my brother.

I need to be up in two hours to see Kayla.

I hope I wake up, because I’ll feel insanely bad if I didn’t. 

But to be honest, this has been a very amazing, and productive way to kick off being out of high school.

It’s been a pretty good night :D

It’s not because the people are dumb.

It’s not because I don’t like being a cashier.

It’s not because the only place that money goes is to bills.

…

It’s because of how much fucking time it takes away.

I feel like I can never see my girlfriend because of my job.

It takes so much time away from me, that I can see her for only a few minutes before I have to go be a little work bitch.

It destroys me inside.

I just want to be able to hang out with her, and spend time with her.

Take her out and do things.

Not be able to see her before I work, then only be able to text her while I’m gone.

Then sit and wonder what’s going on,

And not be able to be there with her.

It’s really killing me inside.

I hate it so much.

Is it really that much to ask to be able to hang out with your girlfriend?

Apparently so…

This is what came out:

“I really wish you could be here right now next to me. The water is so nice. The view is beautiful, the weather is perfect. I’m just chilling here, and I just can’t stop thinking about you. I know this is really random, but you really are amazing. I love every moment that I have being with you. I just love you being around, and by my side. You’re so amazing. You’re beautiful. And I barely use that word. I’m not one for using words like that. But just sitting here, thinking, and it just reminds me of how blessed I am to be able to call you my girlfriend. You’re just an absolutely amazing person, and I’m glad you started talking to me on the bus that one day, so long ago. I’m glad we became good friends, and I can’t express how happy and amazing I feel that we’re together and can be so much closer. You’re my world, Kayla. :) and you deserve nothing less than for me to give you the world. I was just sitting here and thinking, and I thought I’d just let you know all of that. And that’s what’s on my mind right now :)”

Yeah. I sent that to her.

I just want the few that read these posts to know that too.

I want everyone to know how I feel about her.

And how happy she makes me.

I don’t know what I’d do without her.

The only thing that could make this time, and veiw more perfect is just to have her with me right now.

So yeah. Just thought I’d post this.

Enjoy.

I can say whatever, and they’ll understand it.

I like being able to talk to people.

Helps me get stuff off my chest.

I guess that’s why I like Tumblr.

It’s like my own personal notebook that I can write anything down,

Right as it pops into my mind.

I should probably get some sleep though…. 

I want to wake up to see her in the morning :)

I don’t want to keep her up all night, 

Then not be able to do her exam in the morning…

Stupid school.

Only 3 days left.

Then neither of us have to worry about school. 

I can’t wait for it all to be officially over.

I’m trying to explain to Kayla how to work Tumblr.

It’s not working.

I’m frustrated. 

But not really.

I’m just tired.

Don’t care. I’ve been on the phone for an hour with her.

Just talking.

Being dumb.

Nothing apart from the usual expected from me.

This week, I just want to hang out with her as much as possible.

God knows how much I’ll be working this summer.

I hope it’s not all the time.

I would die.

Hopefully true freedom will come after I graduate.

I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH HIGHSCHOOL.

I just need to show up to graduate. 

I’m so excited.

One huge hump and goal in life accomplished. 

You guys don’t even understand.

I have the perfect girlfriend.

I’m having the perfect week.

Everything is amazing right now.

Only thing that could make moments like this better, is for her to literally be next to me.

But apart from that, 

Everything is going amazing still :)

Does not know how to work Tumblr at all.

I don’t even know what to do right now…

Oh, God.

Someone help me.

Why can’t my mind just be set at ease?

I know she’s mine.

I’ll see her in six hours.

But my mind is still racing.

I can’t explain what it’s racing about.

But I know it’s about her.

What can I do?

Why is this happening?

I wish for answers….